My daughter only calls when she wants money or air miles

DEAR ABBY: I’ve two grown daughters I really like very a lot. Though I’ve a terrific relationship with the youthful one, my relationship with my older daughter has all the time been extra work. We don’t argue, however she’s a lot much less linked to me. She lives in Chicago; I’m in Texas. She by no means calls or texts until she wants cash or air miles. If I textual content her, she usually doesn’t reply. She additionally forgets my birthday and Mom’s Day. 

I simply discovered she got here to city, stayed with my dad and mom for per week and didn’t inform me she was coming. How do I react? Ought to I inform her how damage I’m, proceed as if nothing has occurred or begin treating her the best way she treats me? When I’ve tried to speak to her up to now, it appeared to make issues worse. I can’t think about reducing her out of my life, however I’m bored with this one-way relationship. — HEARTBROKEN MOM

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: By avoiding you and never speaking straight, your daughter is sending you a robust message. You shouldn’t have to chop her out of your life as a result of it seems she has just about lower you out of hers. This sorry state of affairs gained’t be fastened until the 2 of you’ll be able to have a significant dialogue with out her — otherwise you — changing into defensive. In case your dad and mom perceive what the issue is, maybe they’ll clarify it to you. Nonetheless, if they’ll’t offer you some perception, then on your personal sake, consider the daughter who behaves like one.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years. During the last three months or so we’ve been preventing. It began once I purchased a cupboard for our rest room. When he got here dwelling, he threw a hissy match about it. He advised me he didn’t prefer it and stored yelling at me “’trigger I didn’t ask his opinion first.” Then he proceeded to inform me if I need to make modifications to get my very own home. Throughout one other struggle the opposite day, he advised me if I “want a brand new handle” he would assist me transfer. 

I really like him, however the issues he says actually damage me. I don’t really feel the identical love for him that I did earlier than. I’m so able to be alone. I used to be managed for twenty-four years by my ex-husband. I don’t need to be managed anymore. My boyfriend appears to need issues his means or no means in any respect. I undoubtedly may use your recommendation on this example. — CONTROLLED AGAIN IN OHIO

DEAR CONTROLLED: In a premarital relationship, there may be the idea of “mine” and “yours.” When folks marry, it modifications to “us” and “ours.” When your boyfriend of 9 years identified that you’re dwelling in “his” home and it’s best to have consulted him earlier than attempting to make modifications, his level was legitimate. In his thoughts, your relationship hasn’t progressed to the subsequent stage. 

In case you are honest about being able to be by yourself once more, then that’s what it’s best to do, as a result of the depth of this romance seems to be waning on each your elements. Nonetheless, no matter you resolve, do nothing in anger. Discuss this out if it’s attainable. When you do, it might save your relationship. Nonetheless, if that’s not attainable, it is possible for you to to maneuver on with fewer regrets.

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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