Amazon is already killing James Bond with new reality show

With James Bond strapped to a desk, his physique about to be cut up in two by a laser, the spy yells at his captor Goldfinger: “You anticipate me to speak?”

The hefty villain famously replies, “No, Mr. Bond, I anticipate you to die!”

Goldfinger is alive and effectively in 2022, solely now he goes by the title of Amazon. 

After the streaming big accomplished its $8.5 billion acquisition of MGM, which co-owns the 007 film franchise, two weeks in the past, it immediately started splitting Bond into many items with its evil money-grubbing laser, successfully kicking off the loss of life of a 60-year-old model beloved by generations.

You’ll be able to odor the British flesh begin to sizzle. Final week, Selection reported that Amazon Prime Video and producers Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson — the opposite co-owners — will create a reality show referred to as “007’s Highway To A Million.” It’s a deliberate competitors during which contestants trek all over the world to the unique locales featured in Bond movies to win a $1.3 million prize.

I name it “The Appalling Race.” 

That’s as a result of it’s the primary cease on the inevitable destruction tour of one of many strongest cinematic properties in film historical past. The one which gave us “Shaken not stirred,” and made tens of millions of boys dream of Aston Martins — and Ursula Andress. The massive-budget, luxurious behemoth that made Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig into family names will now be lowered to commonplace actuality TV.

Will the subsequent Bond woman be performed by Countess Luann de Lesseps?

Daniel Craig played James Bond for the final time in "No Time To Die."
Daniel Craig performed James Bond for the ultimate time in “No Time To Die.”
©MGM/Courtesy Everett Collectio
Roger Moore as Bond in 1983's "Octopussy."
Roger Moore as Bond in 1983’s “Octopussy.”
©United Artists/courtesy Everett Assortment

We’ve seen how this performs out earlier than. Simply have a look at “Star Wars.” It was as soon as a modest six motion pictures, a Christmas particular, an arcade recreation and a theme park journey. Then Disney purchased Lucasfilm and plundered that galaxy far, far-off with the gluttonous urge for food of Jabba the Hut. 

Diz cranked out a brand new movie collection that followers (largely) loved. After which two extra tangential “A Star Wars Story” motion pictures (“Rogue One,” good, and “Solo,” horrendous). After which got here the Disney+ present “The Mandalorian.” Now they’re turning up the meeting line velocity to Ludicrous Velocity — 10 extra “Star Wars” TV collection are on the best way, beginning with “Obi-Wan Kenobi.”  

The excited anticipation for a brand new “Star Wars” film — followers used to have to attend so long as 15 years to see one — is gone eternally. The identical factor will occur with James Bond.

Don’t be fooled by Amazon’s partnership with Aaron Sorkin on the Oscar-nominated “Being the Ricardos” or their producing the stunning comedy collection “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” — they’re poachers killing a grand previous elephant for its ivory tusks. 

"Solo: A Star Wars Story" was a critically reviled "Star Wars" film from Disney.
“Solo: A Star Wars Story” was a critically reviled “Star Wars” movie from Disney.
Amazon could create TV shows and movies about other James Bond characters, like Miss Moneypenny played by Naomie Harris.
Amazon may create TV exhibits and films about different James Bond characters, like Miss Moneypenny performed by Naomie Harris.
Francois Duhamel

Amazon execs pays lip service to 007’s legacy after which wring out each marketable thought they’ll from it. We’ll absolutely be force-fed “The Chronicles of Younger Moneypenny” and a office comedy about MI6 referred to as “The Prime-Secret Workplace.” Put together your self for a sympathetic reexamination of 007’s nemesis — “Blofeld” (Teenage Ernst discovers his fluffy white cat in an alley and so they change into unlikely greatest mates).

Sounds ridiculous, proper? Properly, that dystopian nightmare is sneaking behind us like Oddjob together with his killer hat.

The top of the twenty fifth James Bond film “No Time To Die,” starring Daniel Craig, boldly signaled a brand new period. Nevertheless, on the subject of Bond, 007 needn’t be shaken or stirred.

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